Before I begin this topic I need to issue a warning.
I must caution you to not face this pain alone!
You will need support. A counselor is a good starting place. I’m also a big fan of support groups. It’s hard to explain how much healing has happened for me in my support group. Imagine finding a group of people who understand you and your pain better than you understand your own self!
Please also know that I am NOT a doctor or a counselor. I’m simply a person that has experienced years of depression interrupted by a journey of emotional healing! I’m here to share my own experiences.
Remember to take good care of yourself. Find some help. You are worth it! You are worth whatever it takes to heal your heart. Don’t give up, Sweet Friend. Never give up.
And just like a good Mom, I will repeat myself….your number one priority if you don’t already have one, is to find a good counselor and/or a support group near you!! Don’t put this off!!
Okay….let’s try again!
Just wondering if any of you have limited memories of your childhood?
I don’t have a lot of memories and the ones that I have aren’t very good. Not the kind of memory that you can curl up with when you are feeling low (well you can…but these memories won’t make you feel any better). I’ve wondered at times if I have forgotten the good memories for some reason. I keep hoping that I will remember something really good….a memory that starts and ends well.
So, you might be asking what I do with this shortage of good memories? I have found a couple of things that help. The first, you probably won’t like. It’s a recurring theme on my journey of healing and recovery.
Let yourself feel the pain of the difficult memories that you do have and the good ones that seem to be non-existent. Not having good memories or any memories, for that matter, is a loss.
One thing that might help you to find your grief is to imagine what the memories of a child that grew up with emotionally healthy, adoring parents might be like. Over time, you will grieve the difference between what the child in the healthy family got vs. what you experienced.
I know this sounds horrible. Quite frankly, it is. But there is also great healing to be found.
I am also coming to accept that perhaps the forgotten memories are simply too much for me right now. Perhaps I’m being protected from pain that I’m not ready to take on. Personally, I am choosing to trust God and His Timing with my memories. I repeatedly find Him to be completely trustworthy when it comes to my well-being.
I’ve learned another thing about grief that I want to share. When going back to feel and grieve an old memory, it is not necessary to stay in that grief all day. Having struggled with depression for so many years, I was very fearful of feeling pain and experiencing grief….fearful of sliding down that dark hole and not being able to find my way out.
I’m learning that I can feel the pain and cry for a while and then let it resolve. It’s a beautiful thing to feel the pain and then let it go! There is no reward for sliding down the dark hole. This is another reason that you must get some support!! You need a friend that you can call when you feel yourself getting too close to the dark hole. I’ve done this and I’m here to tell you that it works!!
It seems I may be babbling in circles. I hope I haven’t confused you. Grief is a big, important topic for emotional healing. No doubt, we will revisit it regularly.
Take care, Sweet Child.
You are Precious to God.